recovery is a long road, but i promise it’s worth it.
today is the day i learn acceptance
i learn to tame the ferocious beasts inside me
not by beating them into submission, or leaving them in cages
until i hope they starve or wither or grow old and die
despite the fact i know that the more i ignore them
the more they grow
no, i tame them by trying to understand them
i mother them
i take care of them
i cradle them as if they were my children, which they might as well be
after all, they are a part of me
today is the day i learn acceptance
i learn to tame the vicious creatures tearing apart my head and heart
i catch the stones that drop to the pit of my stomach
but this time i don’t try to stop them from falling, trying to hold up a boulder
i am no atlas, i cannot carry the world
i let the stones glide gently down, like a feather sinking to the bottom of a river
and i tell them that they can stay as long as they need to
but only as long as i let them
today is the day i learn acceptance
i keep my demons on a leash, i walk them like pets
i try not to let the run away
but when they do, i know deep down, they’ll return to me
and i will continue to be their faithful master, the ringleader
and i walk them every day
and when people ask me if these animals should not be thrown in a cell
or washed away to sea
when people ask me how i get through the day
sometimes i do, and sometimes i don’t
but my monsters are as much a part of my day
as much a part of my life
as any other part of me
today is the day i learn acceptance
not by fighting
i’m so tired of fighting
it’s been a long run
i’ve shed so much blood
a losing battle that i’m always the captive of
i am finished being the game –
i want to be the player
today, i learned acceptance
and i didn’t even realize i’d learned it until i said it out loud