Sometimes, I wish you could see me;
have a video tape recording that you watched
at the end of every day,
that played out the events of my day to day life
like a movie
with my own personal thoughts narrating your way.
I wonder if maybe then
you’d understand my worry:
why each night I curl up tight,
warmth radiating from your sweatshirt
that you have long outgrown
and hasn’t smelled like you in a long time,
just to have a remembrance of you,
to hold me safe while I drift off to sleep
while you our out making your place
in this big old world.
I think perhaps, in this film,
hearing my thoughts
might trigger something down
deep, deep down inside you
that would clear all this confusion away,
to tell you there is nothing in the world
I wouldn’t give up
just to have you here by my side.
For you to see,
scene to scene, room to room,
my hours of over thinking;
analyzing things again and again,
tears springing from my eyes
as it all turns in the negative direction,
anger as I throw things
knowing pacing back and forth
will never solve any of the challenges
that we are soon to face.
For you to reach a better understanding;
to truly hold me when I am near
and remember to repeat “I love you”,
with desperate promises of returning,
while you are away;
to not be afraid to explain every aspect
of why you love me
again and again
because I never get tired of hearing it;
and to call every once and again
because the magic of a voice
can hold you together
long past a few days
over instant messaging.
Then perhaps, at the climax,
the entire film will turn on a different angle,
change its whole direction with a steady tilt,
and as tears slowly push to breach the damns
that your golden eyes try to hold shut,
you will smile.
Knowing that the love you have for me
is just as strong in the reflection,
knowing the nights you tossed and turned in agony
wishing for anything to hear my voice,
charismatic, soft, funny, and pure,
that I was curled tight in fetal position
wishing for the same thing too.
Maybe you will become outstandingly brave
with the new knowledge,
that our only real challenge
is the one we create ourselves:
pushing from adapting to the change.
I’d like to think that, at its resolution,
when the curtains close,
and the credits start to roll,
we will still be together,
no matter what distance may tear us apart.
And when the film ends,
clicking at the end of the recording,
we will both be happy, sound asleep,
dreaming of each other
and waiting for tomorrow
where it will all begin again.