QUICK SAND
Location
You stand still and watch everything around you
you notice things differently then moving around
everything you try to do seem there still something not right
No matter how much you smile a little more it's still something that's not
sunshine on the other side
and when you solve one problem you see yourself in another problem
like doors all around and as soon as you
open a door seems like theres
others closing in your face
no air but one last breath
But hell how can we get past the problem and sorrow with everything keep repeating
how can you move forward if there no new place to go
so you listen to music to block all
the confusion and reality but when the music ends you end
up right where you started
life is crazy to live like you trying to escape with no way out
sometimes we live life upside down
just so we can learn how to live life right side up
so when you feel like you going
to sink in the quick sand
just say GOD wouldn't give me
these optical if he knew i couldn't do it
so you can get throw it
Comments
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Cheryl Griffith
Very emotional piece, very raw and heart rending and so so real. your message is very powerful but if you want to strenghten your work, try employing some figurstive language or poetic devices like pun or play on words, metaphors or repeatitions etc . I enjoyed this poem though, it touched my heart.
powerful.imani
thank you so much because i really wanna become a stronger writer thank you so very much for the support
Mafi Grey
I like this poem as well and I agree with Cheryl Griffith, she's right about the play of words you use to make you a stronger poetry. I try to read as many poems from other people to see how they write, how they arrange there stanza, and how they flow. I also, listen to a lot of spoken word pieces as well. Check out my Facebook page, I add a lot of good people on there, even you as well. I shouldn't get all the people now, it's a great spot to get ideas. Oh and if you need some people to listen to or looking for good spoken word pieces, let me know; I've got a bunch of people.
powerful.imani
Yes I could use the help I write A LOT of Poetry. I be so grateful of you could help me. I don't have a Facebook but we can exchange emails or kik??? Please I could use the help :-)
Mafi Grey
I'd be glad to help a fellow poet out, here's my email; just shoot me a message and I'll get back to you with that list.
powerful.imani
Imanidnjohnson13@gmail.com
so happy and I have a few videos if you wanna check them out
natyah.smith
That rhyming though! The message is very inspiration and this poem is so relatable, I feel like this all the time, but God always come through! Stunning job
Sharnelle
I really like the concept of this poem. You did a great job, and it's so relatable. Be careful with making sure the reader can really understand the flow you want and one line transitioning into another more smoothly. Good work! :)