This Queen That Is She

She is a diamond in the distant galaxy, the sun beyond the clouds. She's a leaf the wind carries, a drop of rain that hits the ground. Many storms should've broken her down into nothing but dust, should've left her lifeless in a field of weeds. But this queen that is she, has gotten back up despite bruises, despite the torment through memories of the days tears streamed down the rivers of each cheek, desperately trying to get away from that aching body of hers. In desperation, this queen that is she, she's worn masks to hide her pain, she's gambled with death wearing a poker face, rolling the dice, not giving a damn if luck be bad. She befriended the black cat born of superstition, armored her body in a Knight suit of isolation, trusting no one but herself.......not even God. She was too damaged, blinded by rage as she swerved on a road all her own, needed to push the pedal beyond its limit in hopes of crashing. Didn't care if a cliff was nearby, all that mattered was death. All she wanted was an ending to her suffering, no bandage, no medicine, nor doctor was what she wanted. She wished to be non existent, to be forgotten by everyone who knew her. Her reflection frightened her beyond words, couldn't stand the sight of the life that didn't live behind her eyes. Oh how she wished her eyes could turn those who hurt her into stone. So badly did she wish to be the Medusa of the new age. But instead, her heart became surrounded in stone. It beat for nothing but revenge, for justice over what she couldn't control. The pain she tried to wash away everytime she cleansed her skin. Couldn't stand seeing the beauty that had drained away. The devil stood beside her, held her hand as he smiled in the mirror at what he thought he'd claim as his own. And she was ready. Ready to sign over the rights of her soul. She was ready to go. She found herself sitting up in darkness one summer night, it was quiet, eerie, something foul in the air caught her attention. A voice, it faintly whispered "Hey.....come here." She obliged, each step carried her into that damn bathroom, a place she sought comfort in releasing her sorrows, a place she could let loose when emotions got the best of her. She grabs some liquid medication, stares into what could be the end as she sinks to meet the cold floor beneath her. Pressed firmly against the door, she stares into the bottle, it's like looking down the rabbit hole, in a trance, she goes numb, sound fades around her, except that faint voice whispers a deadly motivation, desperately pleading in an attempt to take what she doesn't value, her life, her soul. "Do it!!!" Each time, its octave rises, digging into her open wounds with its razor sharp voice. As she's ready to seal her doom, God swoops in, stealing her away from the danger she's ready to surround herself in. He shows her what she'd lose. Family, her beautiful child, the gift of living and experiencing life. As she steps outside herself to see her selfish act, she closes the lid to what could've been the end, and starts to put her puzzle together from there. And no it isn't easy. This queen that is she, still struggles to find her place in a world she sees bigger than her, more experienced than her, more together than her. This queen that is she, her lows know the highs are ahead, her shattered soul is being put together again, and through it shall shine greatness. This queen that is she, dares not lie down to allow defeat to crush her under its crumbled deconstruction. She is trying, she is flying, she is me.

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