In Pursuit of Self-Love


Each day I spend looking into the eyes of others
At this girl who writes meaningful poems
At this girl who watches way too much tv
At this girl who makes sarcastic remarks about every little thing
But can’t stand to be criticized
The more I fall deeply in love with her


Each day I spend looking at photos
Of this girl in her golden prom dress
Of this girl surrounded by friends
Of this girl striking some intentionally awkward pose in her marching band uniform
The more I fall deeply in love with her


Each day I spend looking into the mirror
At the irritated red spots that mark my face
At the stains on my teeth
At the dark circles beneath my eyes
At the static surrounding my hair -
Maybe it’s from all the tv waves
At the stretch marks on my arms
At the thin, dark hair surrounding my belly button
At the lack of hips and ass

Can’t hold a candle to the days spent admiring
The freckle above my lip
The way my teeth look brighter when I smile
And the way my eyes crinkle at the corners when I do
And the way one of my eyes has one little fleck of dark chocolate in its pool of maple syrup
The way my hair turns golden at the ends to match my prom dress and my maple syrup eyes
The way my veins run blue like antifreeze rivers through my forearms
The freckle in my belly button
The way I can shake my lack of hips and ass like there’s no tomorrow


Each day I spend looking into myself
At this girl who loves poetry
At this girl who tells bad jokes and then laughs at them
At this girl who remembers every small detail about her friends
But can’t remember why she went into the kitchen
At this girl who has her mother’s eyes
But her father’s heart
At this young woman, blossoming into this beautiful, imperfect body
The more I fall deeply in love with her


This poem is about: 


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741