I used to say that "love" was not a strong enough word to describe my feelings but that it would do for now.
I could go through the dictionary and look up a hundred synonyms to describe the feeling when I looked at him.
I could go on.
I could search endlessly for days, months, years.
Devote my life to finding the one perfect word to describe the fire in my stomach
The pounding in my chest
The swell of tears in my eyes.
I promised myself and him that when I found that perfect word I would say it
Over, and over, and over
Again, and again
Until my voice ran out
I would scream it for the world
I would whisper it just for him
I would die and that word would be the last breath to escape my lips
Discovering that perfect word would be my life's greatest accomplishment
As I spent my time flipping through pages
Diving into oceans
Digging through dirt
Scouring through the darkest crevices
Endlessly searching for that golden treasure
He just stared.
With the most point blank, absolute look he could muster he watched
I could feel his eyes burning into me so I looked up
"I found it." he said
"The strongest way to say I love you."
With pure dumbfoundedness I looked into his eyes
The anticipation rising like an ocean wave ready to crash down on top of me at any moment
Waiting, waiting, waiting
To hear that word.
The one I had searched the planet to find.
I needed to hear it.
Desperately my ears aching to have their longing satisfied...
I started to think maybe that was the point.
Maybe the word I was looking for wasn't a word at all
Maybe it was the way his eyes met mine
The way his hands felt against my skin
The way our lips hugged each other in the perfect kiss
Maybe it was the way the universe seemed to be packed into the beautiful moment of silence we shared
And when I finally began to understand.
When I finally saw what he saw and realized it had been right in front of me the whole time...
And before the noise could escape my lips
He was gone.