Penpals

On the table lies a letter, it's envelop is weathered, and the address is smeared from the thick black ink
I'm no stranger to that scrawl, it's the man who never called, and apparently didn't consider writing me
My face turns a little brighter as my teeth clench tighter, and my forehead wrinkles with dismay
I look up to stop from crying, after all I would be lying, if I said things haven't always been this way
On the night that I was born, we awaited your return, but you almost did not make it back
When I first opened my eyes and let out my soft cries, you were paranoid and high on crack
At the tender age of three, you hanged my dog from a tree. He flailed but wouldn't stop breathing
So you cut him loose after years of abuse, all along you never stopped seething
I can still see it now, as clear as my memory allows, the morning that haunts me to this day
I was a small, fragile child watching my daddy go wild and praying he'd just go away
I couldn't help but bawl as one hand pinned me to the wall and the other tried to murder my mother
We managed to escape, broken and scraped, but at least we still had each other
Despite the ordeal, her wounds slowly healed. My mom is the epitome of forgiveness
I was allowed to see my dad, but was left alone and sad when he didn't even call me on Christmas
Years went by and I kept wondering why you wanted nothing to do with me
Caught up with thugs, blasted off drugs, meanwhile I'm turning fourteen
One day through the mail, you write me from jail, and I finally know where you are
In an Arizona cell that's hotter than Hell, yet the distance doesn't seem so far
With each passing letter, you knew me better, and I thought that you genuinely cared
Until the second you were free and forgot about me, I guess I should have been prepared
The older I grew, the more I knew, it was better to keep my distance
The past daunts, ignore what I want, and settle for coexistence
It took a while, but it did make me smile, when you contacted me again
You called me more often, your exterior softened, and I was sure we could be friends
You were going strong, but it didn't take long before the drugs whispered your name
But you told me the truth, despite my youth, so I spared you from the shame
I had you figured out but was quickly filled with doubt when I heard the sickening news
A hospital was trying to save a woman from dying after suffering your abuse
I can't think about my dad without getting mad at myself for loving someone so vile
An addict since his teens, hot headed and mean, but my family all the while
My turmoil within quivers on my chin as my memories and morals start fighting
It suddenly hits me hard, looking at that tattered card, it's not even me he's writing

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