I am 4 years old
all pink dress, all blond hair, all blue eyes
when strangers ask my name
i tell them, that i am princess peach
i am 4 years old and my brothers don't play n64 anymore so it
is all mine
i can't actually read yet, so i can't play most of the games,
but I can play mario party and mario kart
princess peach my perfect role,
earn all the stars in the galaxy, hop into hot pink go kart
and shove said stars up bowsers turtley rectum and snag a first place trophy
but super smash brothers? is the coolest
however the character select screen leaves me helpless
the closest to princess is
samus, who i didn't even realize was a girl until my brother told me
i learn that being a girl means concealment
strength and femininity do not exist simultaneously
i can collect stars but cannot fight
i am currently seventeen and googled how tall princess peach is
and before I got an answer I got an article
titled ten reasons to hate princess peach.
they ranged from her too girly to being blonde to her hair in a ponytail looking
i am fairly sure the writers of that article
are the same reason i cannot google image search my childhood idol
without finding pornography
the mere existence of a female
in the gamer world is enough to stimulate rage,
you tell us we are here for beauty, not battle,
then pick a fight with us over it
and you know what? four year old me is pissed.
you are willfully forgetting that princess peach? governs an entire nation
at the time Europe had monarchies, they were throwing their
fecal matter into the streets,
Peach has the plumbing part on lock,
not to mention incredible approval ratings among her people
and her entire militia is her boyfriend.
The US spends 664 billion on it's military,
do not tell me peach isn't powerful
someone at nintendo was so intimidated by
the pure badassery that peach's side B button move in
smash brothers melee was hip checking her
victim so hard genuine flames erupted on impact,
that they edited flames to pink hearts.
let me clarify, pink hearts are no less bad ass than fire.
princess peach is no less badass than any male protagonist
I am princess peach
pink dress and there is nothing
inherently weak about it
i am capable, strong
i am a great game of tennis and flying
how do we forget that peach can literally fly
vulnerability is a game with no cheat codes
you cage a mouse it forgets what grass feels like
you cage a princess she learns how to sharpen her eyebrow pencil
with her teeth
into a point like a dagger
you give me stars I will catch them
you give me a battle?
i'm fighting it. right now.
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