I am 4 years old

all pink dress, all blond hair, all blue eyes

when strangers ask my name

i tell them, that i am princess peach


i am 4 years old and my brothers don't play n64 anymore so it

is all mine

i can't actually read yet, so i can't play most of the games,

but I can play mario party and mario kart

princess peach my perfect role,

earn all the stars in the galaxy, hop into hot pink go kart

and shove said stars up bowsers turtley rectum and snag a first place trophy

but super smash brothers? is the coolest

however the character select screen leaves me helpless
the closest to princess is

samus, who i didn't even realize was a girl until my brother told me

i  learn that being a girl means concealment

strength and femininity do not exist simultaneously

i can collect stars but cannot fight


i am currently seventeen and googled how tall princess peach is

and before I got an answer I got an article

titled ten reasons to hate princess peach.

they ranged from her too girly to being blonde to her hair in a ponytail looking


i am fairly sure the writers of that article

are the same reason i cannot google image search my childhood idol

without finding pornography

the mere existence of a female

in the gamer world is enough to stimulate rage,

you tell us we are here for beauty, not battle,

then pick a fight with us over it


and you know what? four year old me is pissed.

you are willfully forgetting that princess peach? governs an entire nation

at the time Europe had monarchies, they were throwing their

fecal matter into the streets,

Peach has the plumbing part on lock,

not to mention incredible approval ratings among her people

and her entire militia is her boyfriend.

The US spends 664 billion on it's military,

do not tell me peach isn't powerful

someone at nintendo was so intimidated by

the pure badassery that peach's side B button move in

smash brothers melee was hip checking her

victim so hard genuine flames erupted  on impact,

that they edited flames to pink hearts.

let me clarify, pink hearts are no less bad ass than fire.

princess peach is no less badass than any male protagonist


I am princess peach

blonde hair

blue eyes

pink dress and there is nothing

inherently weak about it

i am capable, strong

i am a great game of tennis and flying

literal flying

how do we forget that peach can literally fly

vulnerability is a game with no cheat codes

you cage a mouse it forgets what grass feels like

you cage a princess she learns how to sharpen her eyebrow pencil

with her teeth

into a point like a dagger

you give me stars I will catch them

you give me a battle?

i'm fighting it. right now.


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