Pain
The laughter, the screams
The murmurs, the memories
The darkness inside me grabs me so tight
All the happiness turns out of sight
I cry and I claw for help
But nobody listens to my little yelp
I try to run away from my fears
But how can you run when your eyes are clouded with tears
I scream and shout looking for safety
Yet all I get to is regret and feeling weighty
And then it’s all gone
I feel nothing
I feel nothing
Oh, how I have waited so long
But what is going on
I want to feel
I need to feel
I look for alcohol, money, and drugs
I try and I try but it’s never enough
I look for relief but its nowhere to be seen
Then it comes back
All the thoughts
My heart and my mind are in knots
I feel like I’m drowning
The pain is calling
I want it to be gone
It’s been like this for far too long
I look for an outlet
I find a sharp object
YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
I clench on to it
JUST LEAVE
It touches my skin
NOBODY WANTS YOU
Daring to get closer
JUST GET IT OVER WITH
It slowly digs in
YOU ARE A FAILURE
Dripping down my arm
KEEP GOING
Deeper and deeper it gets
STOP IT
I’m full of regret
I LOVE YOU
What am I doing?
I NEED YOU
What have I done?
YOU ARE SPECIAL
I feel so cold
IT’S NOT TOO LATE
But I can’t feel anymore
YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT
My body goes limp and everything blacks out
If only I believed you
If only this was true
I have to go but I love you, too