The laughter, the screams

The murmurs, the memories

The darkness inside me grabs me so tight

All the happiness turns out of sight

I cry and I claw for help

But nobody listens to my little yelp

I try to run away from my fears

But how can you run when your eyes are clouded with tears

I scream and shout looking for safety

Yet all I get to is regret and feeling weighty

And then it’s all gone

 

I feel nothing

I feel nothing

Oh, how I have waited so long

But what is going on

I want to feel

I need to feel

I look for alcohol, money, and drugs

I try and I try but it’s never enough

I look for relief but its nowhere to be seen

 

Then it comes back

All the thoughts

My heart and my mind are in knots

I feel like I’m drowning

The pain is calling

I want it to be gone

It’s been like this for far too long

I look for an outlet

I find a sharp object

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I clench on to it

JUST LEAVE

It touches my skin

NOBODY WANTS YOU

Daring to get closer

JUST GET IT OVER WITH

It slowly digs in

YOU ARE A FAILURE

Dripping down my arm

KEEP GOING

Deeper and deeper it gets

STOP IT

I’m full of regret

I LOVE YOU

What am I doing?

I NEED YOU

What have I done?

YOU ARE SPECIAL

I feel so cold

IT’S NOT TOO LATE

But I can’t feel anymore

YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT

My body goes limp and everything blacks out

If only I believed you

If only this was true

I have to go but I love you, too