Pain 1 November 5
As we went to your viewing
All I can think is why you,
you were the boy as I
knew who wanted to do everything
who annoyed me and I would
get you back for it .
I remember when Miss Nellie playfully hit you with ruler cause you being troublesome
I remember me beating you up ..................
I remember you asking me if you could watch me play
my original pink ds before I got metallic pink one
Pokemon was your game at least at the time
and when Robert brought in the Wii we play Naruto and Super Smash Brothers depending on whose turn it was
those car rides because you would be at therapy before I got home from school and Carl would wait until I was done
and some other people who were done like me ,you, Katie, Joe, Jason, and Michelle that was the original crew
although you and Michelle were there before I arrived .
So when I say
My heart .....
never would I have imagined that it would be you
A Year older then me too
a semi therapy reunion
is what I always wanted just not in this way.
the last time our paths crossed each other
was my last day which was in 2012 or 2010
and then therapy closed shortly after .
In someways I like to believe I was your rival
and in other ways I would like to believe your friend
and in one more way I made you push harder .
I held my composure at your viewing
I looked at your body in that casket
and knew it will no longer talk annoy me ,
trouble me or and anyone else ((therapy wise)
or walk no more
as it once did years ago.
Myself, Carl , and his son
never wanted to see this way
and as we drew close to seeing your body
mentally in my brain I shed tears
seeing your mom ...... your family it broke me.
Carl saying that your mom said is that your son and is that Titi
and she was glad that we came .............................
but just the fact she remembered me broke me too....................
Carl son asking the last time we talked and it was my departure day
from therapy as we crossed the street to get in the car .
I knew once we left I never see you again
until heaven says its my day too join you
as we are in the car him talking about you
and its funny how 10 or 11 years
came so fast between you and I
as we go towards one of the routes
Carl use to take me home in are therapy days
a tear sneaks down my face as I look out the window
because I realized he took this route a few times with you in the car back then .
From the time I found out mentally and physically
it tugging at my heartstrings
all I can say is why you ..............................
its tearing me apart more then I can explain
will I feel better
4 years 2 yrs a year etc
I knew you had issues but I never thought it would be to this point
you being gone is a recurring wound it
slices to my heart
its unable to be fixed
saved or even mended back together again.........................
Then there's people who say just get past it its not your burden
but what they don't get when its placed on you it feels like it is
I am still counting down the weeks since you have been gone hard to believe Christmas and your not here with family like you belong
wishing you were alive so it just wouldn't have to be like that .
But I and everyone else who knew you will just have to keep wait until we reach that angel gate