Numb Thoughts

What a particular morning, when the only thing I am able to do is looking for a better life. No one warned me about the power of my thoughts, and I guess it never seemed to be an important subject for myself. People have told me the change starts in my head, but I have not seen any change inside of me. Maybe I should try to look for what people consider happiness; maybe it is about having a successful life, or maybe it is about going out to bars around town. Like those girls you see wearing short skirts looking for strangers that could boost the little piece of self esteem they still have. That would make me happy for at least one night. Or at least, it is about being proud of how many people could envy the life that you have.

How easy my life would be if someone could just pretend to admire everything I do. That way I would wake up everyday satisfied of how miserable I can make others feel about themselves. I would enjoy the life to the fullest by traveling around the world, and sharing every single moment to them through social media. Take any oportunity to prove people what I am able to do while they just sit lonely wishing they could be as fortunate as I am. At some point, I would need to pretend to be kind because no one has power without being loved by a crew. Just like those movie stars that would wish to be left alone with a cup of tea in their hand, but their constantly pushed to be what everyone wants them to be. Fanatics obsessed for the fame... Oh, how hard they would wish they could be part of a celebrity's life. No, I do not feel bad for the fans or the movie stars. I feel bad for people like me who realize what is wrong, but do not anything about the cause. I wish I was rebel to have the guts to fight, but I am not. I let things go, and I let things happen while I just sit here watching others do and undo. Judging ordinary people's ideas, and making fun of those who try to make a change while I see them fail. As if they did not see that coming. But who I am? Only someone looking for a better future while pretending to know about life. 

Silly of me, no one warned me about the power of my thoughts because I guess they are only deprive of feeling or responsiveness; with no purpose, with no meaning. But I know that someday I will wake up realizing that my life finally has gotten better because I would no longer be under a numb spell.

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