i love you but i hate you and im angry but im sad

i say i dont care but God this hurts so bad..

i dont want to lose you, but i cant lose what i never had

you were supposed to take me places and teach me how to drive

and now i dont even know how much longer you'll be alive

you're sick and its getting worse

and i cannot explain to you how much it hurts

i want you there at m graduation but instead you'll be hooked up to your dialysis station

and what about when i get married? will you be there to walk me down the isle? will i even get to see you smile

i dont understand and maybe i never will, how could your baby girl be less important than the weed and pills

there is so many things i want to say

you just left, thats not okay

i still love you dad, i know you love me too

but you dont understand the conflict this pain brings me to

and nobody knows how this feels, not me.. not even you

i want to scream, but even more i want to cry

after everything, you are still my dad

im not ready for you to die