Not So Average Boy

Dysphoria is like a black dog following me around,

A bully or an animal waiting to knock me down,

Looking into the mirror I see a man,

But everyone else sees a woman from my chest, voice, and dainty little hands.

 

I scream. The boy inside is constantly screaming in my head,

I can’t even sleep, only cry in my bed,

But last year was worse because no one knew,

So I lived a lie and tried so hard to push through.

 

I pretended to happy but it got harder every day,

I knew I wouldn’t live to graduate in May,

I told my friends that I was a man,

They said they would always love me and they understand.

 

I started getting more manly, happy with time,

But my mom started getting mad, she didn’t want me living this "lie",

I tried to talk to her, tried to make her see,

That I would only be happy if she let me be me.

 

She didn’t budge and I decided that was the end,

But then she sent me to the hospital again and again,

When I came out, it wasn’t an incredible change,

But she tried to listen and changed my clothes and my name.

 

I did things I didn’t think I would ever do,

I went to prom and lived past graduation too,

Made amends with my dad and grew up a lot,

Most importantly I know that it’s not time to stop.

 

I’m in school now, living as male,

Looking back on this time last year, I was in hell,

I can look at myself for long periods of time,

Last year I couldn’t without wanting to cry.

 

No, time didn’t make the dysphoria stop,

But the dog is a little smaller and it doesn’t bark a lot,

It’s been a struggle but I can’t wait to see,

From now, to next year, who I grow to be.

This poem is about: 
Me

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