Dysphoria is like a black dog following me around,
A bully or an animal waiting to knock me down,
Looking into the mirror I see a man,
But everyone else sees a woman from my chest, voice, and dainty little hands.
I scream. The boy inside is constantly screaming in my head,
I can’t even sleep, only cry in my bed,
But last year was worse because no one knew,
So I lived a lie and tried so hard to push through.
I pretended to happy but it got harder every day,
I knew I wouldn’t live to graduate in May,
I told my friends that I was a man,
They said they would always love me and they understand.
I started getting more manly, happy with time,
But my mom started getting mad, she didn’t want me living this "lie",
I tried to talk to her, tried to make her see,
That I would only be happy if she let me be me.
She didn’t budge and I decided that was the end,
But then she sent me to the hospital again and again,
When I came out, it wasn’t an incredible change,
But she tried to listen and changed my clothes and my name.
I did things I didn’t think I would ever do,
I went to prom and lived past graduation too,
Made amends with my dad and grew up a lot,
Most importantly I know that it’s not time to stop.
I’m in school now, living as male,
Looking back on this time last year, I was in hell,
I can look at myself for long periods of time,
Last year I couldn’t without wanting to cry.
No, time didn’t make the dysphoria stop,
But the dog is a little smaller and it doesn’t bark a lot,
It’s been a struggle but I can’t wait to see,
From now, to next year, who I grow to be.