no one knew

No one knew how close you were to the edge, you'd  turn to a bottle before you turn to a friend. You could've said something , you should've still been here.

You see she got tied up in heavy drugs and lonely night,
she missed the one thing that actually gave her life.
The pressure weighed on her heart like a bag of rocks and was doing anything to make that shit stop,
the pain that is, not her heart,  but bare with me , for it gets even worse.

She was Someone who laughed with you until you cried,
but slowly the tears turned into hurt from the inside.
It got to the point where she became Someone who needed drugs to feel alive.
She was a Bestfriend a sister a daughter who took her own life,
she was Fearful and fearless all at the same time. The stronger one of us three the whole time
She was broken and didn't even know, or maybe she did is probably why she figured I gotta go.

When I got the call I didn't believe Jess, she said they found you hanging in your closet.
You see I think about you everyday I still have our old ass pics.
I even went to your grave a few days before christmas,
I left you a piece of red candy and hoped you get it
I never return to graves because of how sad it is now I understand why because for the first ten minutes all I did was cry.
Seeing your name on a piece of paper under some plastic not even a headstone made my head spin,
I felt sick like how could someone so loving take their own life, did it hurt was it worth it, did you not realize how much we all cared.
The questions definitely  began, why it is that you did it and what the fuck were you thinking and like man where has your head been

we loved you lex , we still do but I've been so mad is why it took me so long to come and see you
I couldn't handle the barrier of grass between our one sided conversation. I couldn't handle the emotions I've never even dealt with
and what was worse was it hurt even more was knowing you were ready , you made up your mind and gave no warnings.
But suicide was never the key.

You see,
there's a lex in all of us the ones who's lonely scared and looking for company
but my advice is find something and hold on to what makes you happy,
Ill never be fully the same because a piece of my childhood is missing,
someone who will never be able to tell me they love my girlfriend  
so until next time lex I know your smiling , I just wish it was with us turning up and not in heaven,
We all knew if love could've saved you, you would've lived forever,
but for now ill always keep you in my prayers
Rest in peace to a beautiful soul
Lex ❤️ gone but never forgotten.  

This poem is about: 
My family


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