I was no longer a child when I realized my greatest fear was not that of the dark, but of being so vulnerable and helplessly in love that I would not be able to stop my heart from being broken. 

That the wall I’d built up could be torn down just by simply feeling. 

I was no longer a child when I realized it was possible to miss someone while standing next to them. 

When I realized it was possible to feel totally and utterly alone in a room full of people. 

When I realized hearts weren’t indestructible and that feelings were weapons. 

Weapons of war, which could penetrate the thickest barricades.

I was no longer a child when I first fell in love.

When I fell in love with that boy. 

With that thing.

With art.

With life.

With myself.

I was no longer a child when I realized, although it was possible to despise yourself more than anyone else ever could, it was also possible to love more than anyone else ever could.

I was no longer a child when I realized that the world was still turning and I was still breathing even though I felt completely helpless and alone as if I were dying, as if the world were ending.

I was no longer a child when I truly understood how to feel.

How to really feel.

How to untangle all the emotions swirling around inside my mind like a tornado. 

When I became me.

When I found me.

When I loved me.

I am no longer a child.