i don’t think you fully comprehend how much i need you.

how could you understand that i need you like i need fresh air in my lungs stumbling out of a burning building? that i need you like the land needs rain in a too-hot summer, like i needed solid ground crossing a train bridge on foot at nine years old, like i needed to don’t-look-down-don’t-look-down-don’t-look-down into those dark depths? i’d fall into them and never come up the same way i’d fall into your eyes years into the future. how funny is it that i pictured it just right: falling, falling, falling into beautiful darkness. wind rushes past my face in a flurry of feelings and thoughts and i’m still waiting to hit the ground and crack but no matter how much i need you to catch me i can’t be sure you will.

you don’t know how much i need you. you can’t know that i need you like the sky needs the stars, like the bitter coffee colour of your eyes needs sugar. i need you like you need someone to promise you they’ll never leave. i need you like you need so many others. i need you like you said you needed me to wait for you before you changed your mind. i need you like you need months to trust someone to open up a little, and that’s okay, but i’ve needed your trust since i met you.

i need you like my mother needed god when she lost two babies. i need you like a strong piece of driftwood in this perilous sea i’ve been shipwrecked in. i need you like my best friend needs someone to hold her close and tell her that she means something to them, i need you like the earth needs the sun, like the ocean needs water, like religion needs followers.

i need you like a painting needs colours to be the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen because you’re the light in my life, you’re this glimmering star above me i’d do anything to reach, i need you because you are the most radiant thing i’ve ever seen and dear god i’d do anything to be a part of that light. maybe i won’t be anything but a shadow of you, but i think light needs shadows, and so i hope you need me.

because i need you like paper needs a pen to write a poem. i need you like grass needs seeds to grow. how could you ever know? how could you ever understand? how could you comprehend that i’m nothing without you? i love you, but you can’t.