My Open Mask, My Secret Shield

Location

“Conceal

Don’t feel

Don’t let it show

Don’t let them know”

Quoted from the movie “Frozen”

And none sadder but truer words have never been spoken

See we all hide behinds our curtains and masks of sorts

But I may be the first that actually boasts

I boast because without my masks what could I achieve?

It’s my ultimate defense against the world, it is my sword in hand where the only thing that could hurt me, is me

Yes, only I could pierce the body of this claimed identity

And be able to smile before all, while I quietly bleed

But I can’t…in this world it is survival of the fittest

You get in where you fit in

Life is only as good as you make it

Otherwise it’s only existence, doomed to be gone too soon like how fast you get money and how fast you spend it

This is the hunger games where in order to survive you have to “make friends”

That means you have to show them something they’ll like about you even if it’s all but a lie in order to stay alive till the bitter end

That’s how life is; it is bitter, not sweet

People steal, people kill, and people lie and cheat

I’ve been victim to it before

I’ve been stolen from, lied to, cheated and walked out on all at my heart’s door

Heart is where the home is

And my heart and home are so damaged

But what goes on in the house stays in the house

This is what I grew up learning; that my house was Las Vegas

But scars you cover up doesn’t mean it gets healed

But I don’t need my personal space invaded, personal secrets revealed

The real me is shy, scared, insecure, tense, emotionally damaged and detached

But I’ll never allow you or anyone to get that close to see that

You will see what I want you to see, know what I want you to know

Until I feel that I can trust you enough to, “Let it go”

Lights, camera, action

Each version of me knows their direction

What to say, what face to say it with, and even how to pose

The greatest actress is I or at least I’d like to believe so

The happiest sad clown the world’s probably ever seen

Master of disguise and I guess that’s why my favorite holiday is Halloween

I cover my face with make up

I can dress whatever age and be whatever I want

And no questions were asked

Once behind my mask

I can survive in this society

That “claims” to leave no child behind

Though they only keep track of the ones they notice

As for the ones that fell behind or strayed between the cracks, are now voiceless on the verge of being homeless

I hide behind my masks like how gays hide themselves in the closet

It’s my escape to where I feel the safest

I wish I didn’t have to live in a world that forces me to put up airs

Because I can only see myself perfectly in rippling water rather than in a perfect mirror

I’m starting to wonder “who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?”

She looks like me, sounds like me, isn’t me, but she is

She’s now a part of my cast, my act, another character in my script

I may have one too many personas in my mind

But there are all like my imaginary friends and who am I to claim they aren’t mine?

Until I meet true friends who will like me for who I am

I will just “make friends” living in a sham

It’s not right, but it will be alright

If it’s not fine, it will be and I’ll also be fine

No one will see the hurt

The scars, the tears, the truth buried in the dirt

No one will know that once in my lifetime I almost died

And no one will know that several times I’ve thought of suicide

I’ll stay alive no matter who says hello and goodbye in my life

Because I know how to survive

“Conceal

Don’t feel

Don’t let it show

Don’t let them know”

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