So sick of crying but more sick of you

The yous who are telling me what I should and should not be feeling

The yous who are telling me how I should be healing

None of you know, how could you nor do I 

The pain that lies so deep inside

I have tried to mask, to hide it, to keep it at bay

no matter what I try at the end of the day it pours out of me

consuming my smile and leaving me empty

My mommas hugs seem to create a light

Her eyes sparkle through her tears she secretly sheds at night

Her words have meaning but not what I need

I just need her holding and listening to me

I need someone to just be there, someone to actually hear me

Someone who will sit in silence with me

Again with her strength my momma enters my room

Pleading with me to end this sadness let my happiness resume

I have gotten so good at masking the pain

Even she has no idea, that I have gone insane

My heart breaks daily 

That I have let her down

Why am I not healing

Why have I do I have the ability to cry now with no sound

Why do I have these dark memories inside me

You must be pitying me by now, please stop

I am not in need of that

I actually am a happy person I just have moments of weakness

Moments that cloud my soul and fill me very being with hopelessness

On bended knees I fight my fight

In prayers in the most silent of nights

I plea with my Heavenly Father to save me again

To bring me to the morning to face the world again

To guide me through the night where my sadness seems to creep

To help rock my soul gently back to sleep

The morning brings the sunshine, and the sparkle of my mommas eyes

I hug her and I thank her for being by my side

She turns to me each day

With her heart so full of love

and tells me I am her greatness blessing from our Lord up above