Pardon me old friend but I fear the end

Is it near or far drown out

I do not know

The end? You may ask, why its such a simple task

Its the breaking point

the end of an era

and the start to a new beginning

be it good or bad or something else entirely.

I am human after all

no matter how I may seem

I am human I'm afraid.

Just as humans go I fear the unknown

To change is such a frightful thing.

It has already begun and I don't know the cause

No matter my movements they rush me forward

I'm not ready, even now I yearn for the past.

I'm scarred knowing that within given time I'll be alone

Isolated but surrounded by living beings all the same

I've been alone before, to be ignored or forgotten

I thought I'd be prepared for it,

but this not the same.

 

I've grown accustom to others being near and care

to suddenly lose it all after years yearning for companionship

Is a suffocating notation.

Its an act that I'm not ready for

I will admit to be a mere coward

For all my talk I still want to be close if not held in one's embrace

 I make myself suffer to gain understanding and aid

Yet I again fear to go extreme and only affect my work ethic

I'm scarred and I know why.

I made a plan long ago

It is stable and easy to comprehend.

Sadly, Luck and Chance tend to sneer down to me

Always striking when things are well, pushing me to limits

For this is why I fear the future the end of being considered is coming

I have been stripped a way of being dependent

Why should I change?

Why should I have high expectations placed on me?

Why should they weigh down my actions and restrain?

Why should I have the right to complain when others do such much more than I?

Why should I excuse while they stride on through?

Is it the difference in IQ? Perseverance?  Personality? Upbringing? Just what?

I do not know old friend.

Please guide me and I will follow

A sheep I am not but a shadow I am.

Hiding from the spot light but grows when darkness allows

I follow yes but I determine the form I take.

Allowing you the illusion of complete control

But the moment I disapprove I shall take my leave.

The life that I knew and held close to my being

Do not mistake this love for it is naught just a warmth that I seek at times

That life of mine I clutch tightly despite my lack of love for it.

Its a familiarity that I am not ready to part with

To start an unknown journey without a resemblance of the past

That is what scares me the most.

Dear old friend why must be that my thoughts only transpire through you.

Old friend why must not speak and allow to be stained by others

So they may voiced instead of you.

So thin and small

Friend paper, you will always be by my side even when others decide to cast you aside

I shall keep you and transpire your stained being onto online so many may see what came to be thanks to you.

Even if I fear the unknown future, you will always be by myside recycled or not.

Preferably recycled to preserve your being longer