My Crazy Heart

Well, my crazy heart may be the death of me later on. Like it had been for my mom. We both have gambling hearts that throw the die at every shot at the jackpot called happiness. My mom’s heart was blind to what was true and refused to believe in the facts and the obvious. Oh, the dangerous shades our hearts pull over our eyes that blind us from the obvious. My dad’s own mother asked my mom to leave him because she believed my mom deserved better than him… I hope I never make this mistake. I respect her decisions, though. I understand why she did it and I feel like I could’ve taken the same risk. That’s how I know I have a crazy, crazy heart. *laughs*. But my mind has a say in such decisions. That would be my lifeline. My heart’s nickname is Harley Quinn because of her rash decisions in love and how she can recklessly throw the die at such a random shot at happiness. That’s why I have to trust my intuition and my brain. That’s why they must work in unison. No more bullshit, but I have to be happy, love. It’s dangerous to roll the dice like that. My mom just wanted to be happy. That’s it. I hope I don’t have to pay such a big price. That was a whole lifetime’s worth of happiness, sanity, and tears. A lifetime’s worth of pain and bullshit. So much wasted on someone that was nowhere near worth it. So much time and effort just cast away like yesterday’s newspaper, all for someone who hurt you more than anyone and broke your heart until there were barely even pieces there. She regretted it. She regretted everything. But she looked at us and she thought we needed a dad, so she stayed. But I would much rather have her happiness and her sanity than to have an asshole for a dad. What will it do to have a dad if he isn’t a good influence? What will it do if he barely lives up to the title? I’m just saying. Mom, I love you and all I wanted was for you to be happy. Thanks for everything. God bless.

This poem is about: 
My family
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