To My Broken Hearted Mother

Dear little black girl,

You are not so much little but your heart is the same,

broken.

You have endured the side of the world that reflects no light, no mercy.

You see little girl,

you have grown up with a sick mother,

and you pledge till death your loyalty and love to a woman who was so hurt she didn't love herself.

She beat you.

Not so much as the ole spank.

You suffered the torture of a dark pit that not even myself can vow see in your mother's eyes.

Dear little black girl.

If only you could've run away you wished.

If I could have been born in that time as your friend I would have saved you.

I would have saved you from getting beat with wood blocks.

I would have saved you.

As my tears fall on this letter I wanted to save you from your fate.

Your fate of ending up starving, beat and alone.

The same as you felt with your mother.

Except now you're with me.

Holding me as you cry homeless and alone.

I would have saved you.

I would have saved you from my father who beat you just as your mother did.

Their words tricked you slitting the truth you had leaving you remaining selfless with no one to blame.

Your hearts broken.

Dear little black girl I would have saved You.

I would have saved you from the depression you sunk into but I couldn't.

I stared into your eyes seeing nothing but numbness as I called your name.

I was alone.

I was alone with the heartache.

I couldn't save you.

As I tried I was left giving all of my joy in coins and pennies as sacrifices to try and save you.

I was left beaten and alone by my father.

You didn't know.

I tried to save you.

My father's lies slit my arms physically with wounds you couldn't see.

I remained hidden,

built in a cave of negative emotions I kept from you,

to save you as you lay motionless on our impoverished home floor on a mattress without sheets.

I tried to save you.

I tried to Give you emotions you couldn't get out on your own as I did what you didn't want me to do, to get you to yell or speak to me.

I wanted to hear your voice.

Sing to me as you once did.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.."

Although you were on drugs,

you thought I didn't know,

bliss hid in the cracks for me before that crack got in the way for me to find you.

Now you're clean,

drug free,

just a hit of that marijuana, I can see you.

Now that I can see you and look into your eyes you are not gone. Now when you have solved the problems of your own, you recognize mine.

Flashback:

As I review the circumstances I have overcome,

I look at these bottle of pills.

Do I have a family?

I'm fucking ugly,

no one loves me,

my mom won't miss me,

if she does she'll get over. Gulp, the bottle of champagne is empty the pills are imploding my forehead.

Now today after my failed attempt to suicide,

hospital attention,

bandages and unrivaled bloody toilet paper in the sink,

blood running down my thigh of cutting myself,

I realize that I have a problem.

I realize that I have a problem that I selflessly didn't tell others because, I could have saved you.

I could have saved you from your mother,

my father,

and I could have saved you from the pain I caused you of slitting myself with this blade.

I could have saved myself.

I could have saved myself from turning down a dark path of self hate that fed on my forgotten childhood.

I'm saving myself now.

As I learned from a broken hearted mother,

who saved herself.

 

This poem is about: 
My family
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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