this is the part of the movie that everyone hates

when you have to say goodbye to your favorite character

where time slows down and you wish you could fast forward through the sadness and press play on better days

this is the scene she never forgets

playing on repeat for days

every little detail burned into her brain

this is the part where you feel bad for her, strung out and broken hearted

where you mourn for her while she waits for the ball to drop

when she hears her mothers voice crackle through the speakers to give her the news

“your grandfather died yesterday”

this is the scene where the mic drops and her voice becomes inaudible

the audience cant hear her screams

cant feel the way her chest aches as she fell back onto the couch, phone falling through her fingertips

call ended flashing on the screen

this is the scene where you cry for her, lost and confused, scared and angry

this is the scene where you want to comfort her

six other people in the house when he died and none brave enough to do the next right thing

this is the scene that nobody saw, grandpa with a tourniquet choking his arm, grandpa with a needle stuck in his arm, grandpa gasping for breath, grandpa foaming at the mouth, grandpa turning blue

this is the scene that nobody saw, grandpa writing a note, grandpa measuring out a lethal dose of dope, grandpa drawing the plunger back and seeing the flash, grandpa making that last hit one for the books

this is the scene that breaks her heart

her best friend’s body replaced in her brain, convulsing on the ground

sammy turns into grandpa

the scared little thirteen year old who ran away, the scared little girl, who made the call and did the next right thing, but it was too late

scared little thirteen year old girl

scared little twenty-three year old girl who can play the death in her head

young and scared replaced by old and ready, sick and tired

this is the scene that they heard, heard grandpa hit the floor

six people too scared to do the next right thing, too scared to pick up the phone cause they know the cops will confiscate their dope

this is the scene that nobody saw but she sees the picture so clearly in her head

this is the part where the audience cries

where she hits the wall, where she falls deeper and deeper, where she cant stop chasing dragons, where the dragons are starting to chase her right back

this is the scene where she cries where she screams for them to take her to her grandpa on their backs, where she cries out for mercy, where she wakes up the next morning and screams out

why

why

why did they take him and not me

take me instead

this is the scene where the lights fade and the music stops, where the thumping of her heart is the only thing that can be heard

this is the scene that she never forgets

the one that makes her heart bleed forever