It’s moments like these that I am aware of reality

I am mortal,

expendable. 

My life is so fucking short

it’s the blink of an eye

and as I lay awake at 4am as I do tonight

I wonder 

What do I really want?

I have great friends,

with whom I enjoy spending time

But what am I doing with the rest of my time? 

Am I ignoring my family, who is out of physical reach

for the time being?

What have I been doing for 18 years?

 

I need to be more productive, 

I’m wasting seconds that I’ll never get back.

I wish it weren’t a balance

I wish I could just leave everyone and everything

holding me to this Earth

and discover myself.

Maybe what I truly want is something I already have

But in this moment I am unsatisfied. 

I need to change, it’s driving me mad. 

I’m tired of stagnation

I bury my head in my hands and ask:

What am I doing? 

 

Pull yourself together

Don’t let anyone else control you

or tell you how to live your life. 

Be as existential and progressive as you like

forget other people’s ignorant garbage

be free of the cultural and societal restraints

that cuff your hands together. 

Get off your ass and create something 

use the skills given to you and make something of yourself

And above all, follow your heart

it will lead you to where your true desires in life lay.