Mental Abuse

Location

 

You weren’t a waste,
I was just a hassle.
I wanted one taste,
But I tore you apart,
And I ruined your life.
I caused my own demise,
My apocalypse..

My soul sunk into the depths of despise,
When I saw you were dead.
Shock sent through my body.
How dreadful the pain,
How silent the air.
The void I’m inside of goes on for miles,
The thickness of fog, it’s so dark.
I can sense something lurking,
It’s presence unwanted.

The blame is on me, I couldn’t convince you.
The love that was forming was too young to perish.
Beauty and lust are crashing and burning.
My stomach and feelings are twisting and turning.

I cannot endure so much pain, I can’t hide emotions, I cannot repress memories.
Indifference can’t save me, neither can crying.
I’m stuck in a battle, between leaving and love.
There’s so much regret, what I wish I had said.
There’s no pleasure in war, there’s no meaning in death.

With the recent departure, and the stoic emotions,
I scavenge my mind, and I find all my faults.
I ripped open my heart, I tore out disorder.
I watched our demise, I felt the disease.
I heard all the voices, I trekked through the horrors.
To find inner peace, and to conquer my doubts.

It’s an addiction, this is my trial.
Her distorted mindset, those weakening eyes.
My blood growing cold, and my body is trembling.
I find no distractions, I’m focused on pain.
Searching for meaning, and yearning for someone.

You sit alone in your room crying yourself to sleep.
Falling deep into a pit of despair.
Broken and cracked beyond repair.
How can you repay your damages,
Without repeating the past,
You willingly ruined..

Silence spreading like disease.
The night sky grows cold and eerie.
The tears keep falling, the years keep coming.
My life is on pause, no more stalling.
What’s my calling?
What’s my signal?
Love screams to let go, to let go..
It’s meaningless..
I’m useless.
Worthless.

Doubt takes me by the neck,
I have blood on my hands,
From the love I killed, the souls I took.

Comments

emmycole014

I Loved your line "there's no pleasure in war, there's no meaning in death". I really dug your poem and I am glad I got to read it.

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741