The me I remember

I remember how I used to be;

all the same, I remember who I used to want to be.

Suffering from an identity crisis and trying to find myself again;

but, this time with my own advices.

I want to be able to stand on my own two feet,

look into the eyes of others without feeling weak,

and love without feeling incomplete.

I want to walk into a full room and know that they're not all laughing at me.

Becuase I want to believe that me, in my own strength,

have walked beautifully,

through lonely days and lonely nights,

times when nothing seemed to be going right,

Seasons when I was dying inside but kept saying .."I'm aight".

See, like any other woman, I want to be loved...

but in my case I long to be understood.

To know that I could overstand, if only I would understand,

that I have to love myself before I can think about loving a man.

But at the end of the day,

..it's isolation

that leads to degredation--

a self imposed form of unmotivation--

moving on and causing a temporary case of emotional depression,

caused by a series of shitty events that I can't

and only some that I can control.

I'll continue to hold my post.

Sitting by the window watching the many smiling human bodies

be full of motivation , inspiration , aspiration ..

and mentaly shake my head,

asking myself.. when will I let myself join this nation?

When will I learn to accept my flaws?

When will I accept the notion of loving me, for me--

not because a religion told me told,

not because a book wrote for me to,

not because you want me to,

..but simply because, I want to?

 

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