What do you see when you see me?

A good friend that fucked up?

A horrible friend that never truly cared?

A stranger that needs to give up?

A jerk that is too clingy?

A loser that you wanted to humor?

A great guy that doesn't know how feelings work?

An asshole that won't get out of your life?

An honest guy that you don't know if you can handle?

Maybe I'm just another person in the fray?

 

I see you as my best friend that I gave a rough time.

God I feel like shit.

I see you as an amazing person that I scared away.

Why am I such a screwup?

You have all the reasons to ignore me,

just another person in your ocean of friends.

Why should you care? There are plenty of people to fill the tiny space I once filled.

You shouldn't care, and you don't have to.

This is what my brain has rationalized.

 

But I want to make things right again.

I know you can walk away from this unscathed,

it wouldn't be the first time.

But dammit, I won't stop trying.

 

There are very few, if any at all that have as much determination as me,

very few that care about anything as much as I care about this.

Although I have a minuscule to nonexistent chance, I won't give up.

Even if I was just a grain of sand on your beach, you were my sunset.

 

 

((Side note: this isn't meant to sound bitter or rude or mean. My brain is just trying hopelessly to rationalize a horrendous situation))