What? Oh, no thank you

I've a match Saturday, so I gotta watch how much I weigh

Yup, got a few pounds to cut

But

It's okay, I'm on a diet that I calculate

Will quickly shed all that weight

And I cannot deviate

I have to have high protein, low carbs

and avoid all trans, saturated, and polyunsaturated fats

And on top of that, can't have

Gluten, glutamite, glycogen, glycerin, glucose,

Sucrose, or -

Do you have to stand there, so close?

With that chocolate frosted triple chocolate cake, with 

Chocolate ice cream, covered in

Chocolate chips, smothered in

Chocolate fluff, dripping with caramel, toffee, and all that other

Chocolate stuff?

No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

Go ahead, enjoy your food

For all I care, you could eat spoonfuls of butterscotch

While I just... stand here... and watch

No, really, I'm fine.

I don't need to eat to have a good time

What? No, I'm not starving myself, I just had peanut butter and some kelp

Look, if I can't wrestle, my team'll be beat

So I can't partake in stuff like cake

I'm on a diet, and I cannot cheat

I have to have low high fructose, no low fructose,

-or wait, was it high high fructose, low no fruct-

Screw it, I'll just go home, have some toast

Well, I guess just a little food is alright

This brownie's okay, if I have just a bite

Another's okay, I'm sure,

And maybe, one bite more

I'll just burn it off moving to the buffet across the floor-

No, stop, have some self control,

and- ooh! Donut holes!

And cookies... and muffins! It's all so good

No! I'm not eating the way I should!

Oh, I'd stop, I would,

If only I could,

But I can't!

Yes I can!

Can't!

Will!

Won't!

No! Don't!

Alright, calm down, think it's best if I just bail.

I get home, step on the scale...

After all that food...

5,10 20 pountds over, I'm screwed!

... Time to get the sauna suit.