I thought about you today.
I think about you every day, actually. There’s so much I wish I could tell you… It gets hard not to cry.
I would have showed you what it was like to play until the streetlights came on and how to hold your breath underwater. I wonder if you would have opened your eyes to see, just like I used to.
Would you have had freckles? Probably not. You wouldn’t need them to be you, I’m just wondering. I would have showed you how to wish on the stars with the proper mantra and search for fairies in all the wrong places and how to hold your head straight up no matter what. You would fight for anything you felt you had to fight for. I know you would have.
I hope you would hear what everyone says, but only listen to what you want to. I know none of this would be a part of you if your daddy had his way. He always has his way. That’s why you’re not here. I couldn’t let him have it anymore and that’s why I left. I know it’s not enough to make it up to you; nothing ever will be.
You’re the reason I appreciate the sunshine and the rain and how it feels to breathe deeply in the summertime. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at the cost of you… I’d be wasting it if I didn’t live right for every moment that I have air in my lungs and blood in my veins.
You and your beautiful little self. I didn’t know how it would feel, but I didn’t think it would be like this. How hard is it to love someone you’ve never met?
You don’t even have a name.