I'm scared of relationships.
Always have been.
I know all that I have to offer.
I know who I want to offer it to.
But what if it all falls through?
It's the “what ifs” that kill me slowly at night.
You're perfect to me but I fear I'll ruin you.
I fear that you'll run away too.
Run away when things get deep, leaving me in 6 feet .. of tears.
With pain that sears through wounds left open.
Left them open cause I thought I couldn't .. thought I wouldn't .. let anyone close enough to see the brokenness ..
the fragments of me.
Here I am somehow holding myself together but I still feel too weak ..
to complement you, to make you better.
See I would never want to make you whole you're whole all by yourself,
But me? I just have a hole .. in what used to be myself,
It's rather small now but nevertheless I don't feel ready.
The way I let this fear get to me.
Get in the way of someone willing to keep me happy, keep my days from being crappy.
Somebody slap me .. back to reality ..
I go now knowing that the very thing I was afraid of is what keeps me stable.
Keeps me focused & able.
Consider this poem a bit of a timetable.
See me times you it equals happy.
You uplifted me and now I see that.
Looking back at it I knew then what I know now.
I just didn't get how.
How you could love me.
With my corny jokes & crooked smile.
You loved me all the while.
And in this moment I've never been so happy.