Love letter

  To the person who stole my soul,

The one who grabbed my hand and told me to be who I am, whether anyone even cares or not.  The kid that, when I sat alone with azurite stone falling from my cheeks and crimson lining my bedding, head between my knees, sang soft gaelic words that caressed. I remember when we first collided, two burning stars in vast emptiness. You pulled me into your binary, and gave me a zenith on your horizon- an axis around which to give my life rotation.

You said that no matter what I looked like, I’d always have celestial pull in your thoughts- That when you gazed upon me, you were almost blinded, I was burning so bright. But, you warned, I was burning fast. You shot glistening ice into my veins so that I could calm down - slow down- So I thank you.

We were taught when we were children that fairy-tales are what to expect, where no one is one but a half waiting for their other. Instead, all we are met with is the inevitable darkening of the crude oil that lines our chests. Ducklings that once chirped and sang are now slick, black, and dying. Bound, are we, by the thoughts that, perhaps, once upon a time, we would manage to get our once-upon-a time. Restricted are our minds as they weave only the “what-ifs” and not the “what-wills”.

So, grasp my cold, clammy hands tightly, and promise never to let go. Keep them warm with the beating of your war-drums that so easily kill all the negative thoughts in my head. Pull me close into your barbed wire thoughts and let me traverse them, scoring my shoulders to prove my loyalty. If I kick and scream in the night, please, don’t be angry. Instead smooth my hair and soothe my troubled air. Don’t just leave me here in the rouge-covered battlefield of a world for “girls”.  Remind me that mercy is the taste of my name on your lips, and the scent of long summer nights spent curled in a ball under a blanket. Relinquish to me those treasured memories of kisses on noses, and nuzzles in necks, and I’ll replace them with caring whispers of times to come.



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