What a bitter sweet feeling, one that i had long been subdued. Loneliness creeps in it bitter bite tearing open my once hardened heart, yet such a sweet melancholy tune it creates. My every thought of someone i might hold, or talk to, to feel the warm embrace of another knowing creature. Though i fear it would simply turn to yet another failing of my personal being falling into primal thralls, so that i might feel that love as temporary and fleeting as any facade, it is a false love that will only strengthen this burden i carry. As i lay trying desperately for the peace of sleep to find me i think back to those times, with her, how sweetly she held me. How her gaze fell so lovingly and easily upon me. How those big saucer eyes filled me with such peace and love. Such times are lost to me, though the memories as painful as they are, grant some penance of peace, upon this war zone that wages in my mind. I fall into hoping that if i think hard enough on her being, on the memories that we shared, i shall dream of her. Of her sweet kisses and warm body. Of her embrace that never failed to ease my soul, no matter the struggle. Surely though what a profoundly beautiful horror that would be, as i know when i awoke, the toll would be great. My body shaking and weak the loneliness strengthened in my respite, oh what a terror that would be. For she is lost to me that girl with her loving brown eyes, her full lips always up in a smile, her trailing brown hair always in a delicate mess, her embraces melting away the pain that haunts me so deeply. But what of the dream a dark space, i walk in a single light source though unknown, shining down to provide a spotlight we walk in across from each other and meet in the middle; and we dance, oh how we dance. No music plays as our hearts and souls reach out to touch each other, a slow powerful waltz our heartbeats playing a solemn tune. Her hair a springing mess with every turn our bodies becoming one in what seems like hours, or perhaps minutes. Turning and writhing our souls cry out in our affection and loss of the other finally reconciled and then as suddenly as it began it fades away into darkness. The morning light awakens me, and dread sets in the sunlight, a terrible beast for stealing that moment from me. And my soul cries out and tugs away from my body, begging to be in her presence but for a second longer, my hands shake uncontrollably, my heart physically aches, tears brimming my face, my mind, body and soul torn from the experience. My silent cries far, louder than any words could do. For she is lost to me and that dream pales in comparison to the happiness i once knew, and know is to never return. How my soul cries but she is lost to me.