Log #4

-I hate my own art. I hate it with a passion. I can never get it right. But, when I die it will be loved by so many people just like famous artists before me.

-I jus keep running away like a hamster on a wheel. I think I'm getting somewhere but in reality I'm just stuck where I started. It's a loop between school, work and home that I want to free myself from. I want to leave this place and stay in a forever beautiful bliss. 

-I'm going mad, insane. I hate thinking about going home. The sound of the front door swaying makes me sick to my stomach. I'm sick in the head I just know it. I will never be normal. Never again.

-Girls love girls like boys do, Nothing new.

-Early in the morning I rise, not because I want to but because I have to. People yelling at me down the halls of my stupid school as I walk to my stupid classes. Why must we learn about this when we could be learning things that will help us live like how to not use people as tools and how to not become a tool yourself. No need to teach me math if I'm not going to use it because the people in the class make me want to jump off a bridge. Oh but you say I need math even then taking my comment as a joke, I much calculate how high the bridge is in order to know if I should use that bridge. I guess he's right as all the kids laugh, you wont be laughing when your joke becomes reality.

-I place the bottle to my lips and sip the hot whisky you gave me. My body tingles and my words go numb as the liquid drips softly down my throat. I close my eyes and grit my teeth and you laugh. I muster a slight chuckle and hand you the bottle. My mother said you would ruin me and I never knew what she meant until the day we go high and crashed your car. I was okay but you died. I watched your blood drip from the mouth that I loved to kiss. In that moment I knew she was right. I was in the hospital. Your mother was by your side. I just watched the light drain from your eyes. Your dead don't they see that? They closed your eyelids and walked away. You are never coming back but they still keep you locked away in a hospital bed. I wish they would bury you. They will never understand that your long gone and I'm still here waiting. I still go see your body, I know your not it there. Let them know. You are dead.

-Spilling my feelings onto the page like blood onto the floor. Your words flood my senses like nothing I've ever seen. You build me palaces out of paragraphs and I hate you for it. You hate me too but you cover it up in kisses and call it stupid love.  You screwed with my life and said that you would make it up someday. You never did.

-I do not understand.

The things I've been given in life aren't there.

And everything seems against me all the time.

I dont know how to stand up.

But I've got faith in myself, and all of the things I do.

I don't need no one else, to tell me what I can do.

If you don't realize, all of the things your life can do.

You will be left behind, swept up by the storm of those you knew.

I'm just out here chillin' with my fam peeps,

you don't understand me

If you listen to my songs just a little bit deeper,

you might release my dreams

or might release my inner demons,

that's just a little scary

cause I don't know them, but they all know me

and that's just a little weird so i'll keep that to myself

I don't have any real hype right now

I don't even have a real mic right now but

I'm just singing on my laptop cause I want to

I swear no one else can stop you so, just do what you want to

just do what you want, yeah.

just do what you want to,

you know that you want to

If you don't realize, all of the things your life can do.

You will be left behind, swept up by the storm of those you knew.

-Coffee shop blues. Oh the woes of yesterday sweep my mind away and take me to places I never knew. You never know what will happen when you open your head and let the fumes in. Just let the roll of life take you away and keep you safe and warm. The world will never hurt you if your high in the clouds with God.


(Meltycanon- Thankful)


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