I can only exist,

or I can live.

Oh but living sounds so dangerous.

Stepping outside of the box,

quitting holding the past tightly to my chest.

letting go.

No.

Its to scary, its disturbing even.

Life isn't meant for living on the edge, 

thats why the world is round.

But that would again mean I needed to leave.

That would again mean I needed to start living.

One step in front of the other,

like in Santa Claus is coming to Town.

One step in front of the other, but I can't!

Its scary, its big, the world is to big and what if they don't like me.

What if I'm too different or tooweird

or too pretty or too ugly

or I don't even know anymore its just I am frightened!

But just like when I gently toe the bath water to see if the 

temperature is right, I toe out into the big world

and I realize, life isn' about merely existing.

Existing is easy, yes, existing is safe.

Existing is boring.

Living and surviving

that is what the world is about.

I have to make mistakes to realize what to do in the future.

I have to learn how to get up after I fall,

and do it again and again

and again. 

because living isn't existing,

living is learning.