The Lit Cigarette

I never knew I would end up here. Crying over my best friend one day.

Maybe I'm scared to leave him. Maybe I don't want to.

Who knows...but now I'll be leaving him in this mess of a world, mess of a town.

I don't want to see him frown.

I want to see him succeed. Stand at the top of the mountain because he planted the seed.

I want him to feel loved and not feel broken like everything is falling apart because I've been there.

I get it.

I don't want him to be afraid of taking new risks and enjoying the things high school students get to receive because

"my parents said no".

I want him to know he's capable of the unimaginable. I look at him and I see potential that is so greatly special.

It's beyond presidential.


How could someone so beautiful be hurting so deeply on the inside? 

The truth is- I know that answer- however it can be answered depending on how you interprete it.

Pain is like the most dangerous words aflame. Haunting your consciousness. Night and day.

Whether you did this or that wrong. This right. That right. 


These fires consume your oxygen to know end and your lungs, left filled with ash, no room to breathe. Every living mechanism in your existence has been shattered to the ground but yet the sky is still blue and planes still fly high.

The world is still runs the same but YOUR world does not...That is one of the many reasons why beautiful people hurt so deeply. 

I wish I could take it away. Let him live my life. I wish I could be able to say hey, it'll all be okay but when I do I'm pushed away. 

I try not to let it get to me. But when he chooses her over me. It's like he's lighting the cigarette that will kill him over time-

Consume him like the dragon trapping Prince Phillip in the vine- filled with thorns.


I want him to have the freedom to talk to many people and have many friends but when they're the ones causing him pain my anger never ends.

But yet I'm still pushed away- sitting on the back burner for the next day....

I hope he knows that, While I'm sitting here waiting to be drawn from the diminished deck of cards when the queen of hearts is always his favorite.

That I'll always be here, loving him. Unconditionally. 
I pray to God I find a man like him someday because even though some of his choices test me in the slightest way-

He's shown me how God is always there, how to be myself and not worry about other people's cares and how beautiful I truly am-

and that a man who can show me all of that is deserving of my hand.


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