A life of sleeping horrors?

I wonder who I am

shall I grow to be a spaceship

or maybe just a can?

So dark inside I feel at night

but when day comes,

I rush to hide, the thoughts,

desires, burning deep inside.

I fall into bed at night

wondering how to make in through

another day, week, year, 

without exploding all over the world.

I could just let go,

never do my homework,

never do any good,

never make it far in life.

I could walk out the double doors 

and never look back

forget the disapproval and all the hard work

and just live from day to day.

But I am a good girl, 

nobody suspects it would be me

that lost their mind and will to continue on

that gave up the dream of curing people on the brink of death. 

Day after day, I tempt myself

what if I tore all of the pages out of my book?

Left them floating out to travel the world,

tried things I never thought I would.

Then I come back to myself and think,

"but, this is the way that things should be

I should help those out there who are in need

I'm not an extrovert, a bookie is me."

I enjoy the quiet, peaceful serenity

of reading by the duck pond,

and watching the waddle,

and dreaming of being somebody different from me.