A Letter For My Aries.
To My Aries, Perhaps I have been experiencing a wavering faith. I want to blame someone for the mess I am in. God. The Devil. Someone. Anyone. I have come to the realization that I can only blame myself. I assumed that love was my greatest strength, but it has proven to be my greatest downfall.You see, when I hurt, I rage like a hurricane. I cry as I destroy things, and lay waste to the surrounding life. I scream in the wreckage. I blame you for forcing my currents to turn into malevolent tides. I am devastation when I feel devastated, but are these things not natural? Was my rage and revenge not justified? When I feel inadequate, I search for what is missing. I wonder, what is it about them that draws you in and keeps you? I ponder for hours. I stare at myself and dissect my flaws. I pick at my skin, and cut my hair. I try to shape myself into perfection for you my love, yet somehow I make myself a monster who is unworthy of your love. Is loving you my toxic trait? I am sorry that I lose myself in the depths of your eyes. I apologize for begging you to love me beyond and in spite of my demons. Pardon my incessant pleas for your affection. I implore you to stay. Please stay. However, I know I can no longer be selfish with you. So please, if you must, go. Yes we have fought. We have broken tv’s and dishes. We have shattered promises and trust. We have swept up the debris, and fallen back into each others arms time after time. I hate this cycle, but I love you. Do you not love me too? Well, let us break more things if only to make sweet love again in the mess. I will forget the tears still fresh on my face, and their salty essence still lingering in my mouth, if you would allow me to get lost in the labyrinth of your embrace. You will forget yours as well if you grant me access to mend what I have broken. We can make these ruins our beautiful refuge. We can be home again. I feel that you must know, so let me tell you. I love you for your mind, your melancholy, your pride, your self doubt and your ambition. I love your skin and it’s imperfections, for the stories they tell. I love the complexity of your love and how unaware you are of the fact that you mean more to me than any dream I have ever dreamed. You simply can not comprehend my love for you. I love all of the things that I hate about you, because I simply can not hate you. No matter what you do to me. No matter how fresh the bruises and betrayal. No matter how many times you wander. When I feel like that love is not reciprocated, I ruin things. Please forgive me my love, for I never meant to ruin you. It only ruined me too.With Love And Regret,From Me.
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