A Letter To My 13 Year Old Self
Hey baby girl,
Head up.
I’ve been meaning to tell you
A thousand things.
So let’s have a talk.
Come out of that closet,
Wipe away your tears.
You’re stronger than you seem.
Trust me.
I was there.
And I know you’re going through some tough times right now
But please stay on the sidewalk.
You’ll be glad you did.
That’s right, put down that knife
And put away those pills.
You’re such a good girl.
You always were.
Nothing’s wrong with you.
You’re perfectly fine.
You’re not a defective cell
That you believe you are.
You’re not sick
That you were convinced you were.
You just think differently
And that’s okay.
You’re beautiful the way you are
So don’t harm your skin.
You’re smart in your own special way
So don’t change your beliefs.
You’re not alone.
Please believe me.
If you feel like quitting the violin, go for it.
Mommy and daddy won’t hate you for it.
If you feel like running away from home, it’s okay.
Everyone will patiently wait for you to return.
If you feel like writing again, I’ll support you.
Your sister was wrong.
If you feel like screaming and throwing everything to the ground, don’t hesitate.
You’ll feel much better in the end.
My sweet girl,
I know you’re going through a lot.
For someone as young as you
You must be growing white hairs already.
But please,
I promise you
Things are going to get better.
You’re going to meet some girls
And you’re going to have adventures with them.
You’ll love this town because of them,
So don’t be afraid to love these girls with all of your heart.
Don’t be afraid to get hurt,
Because I promise you
They’re worth it all.
You’re going to love the Winter season even more.
You’re going to love 8th grade.
You’re going to love so much.
I can’t promise you that they’ll stay with you forever
But I can promise you the happiness.
I can promise you the worth.
I can promise you the lessons.
I can promise you the friendship.
And I can promise you that you’ll be ultimately happy.
Hey princess,
Chin up.
I know it’s hard losing friends.
I know high school is too cruel.
I know life is too unfair,
But you’re pull through just fine.
You’re going to make mistakes
Because you don’t know what love is.
You’re going to make choices
Because you can’t always
Follow people around like a lost puppy.
You’re going to become a wonderful young lady,
I assure you.
Yes, you’re going to miss the past.
You’re going to be infatuated.
But don’t worry
Because you’ll learn to let go.
I know it’s hard on you
Because of that decision you made,
But don’t cry.
You’re learning who your real friends are.
And don’t fret
About the isolation.
The real ones are those that come back around
And accept you for who you are.
You see that boy?
He’s not worth it.
He’s not worth 2 years of your time.
He’s going to hurt you.
He’s not going to treat you like a young lady.
But I won’t stop you
Because you’ll soon learn your worth.
You’ll soon learn how you deserve so much better.
And you’ll learn how wonderful you really are.
Don’t listen to your elders.
You’re such a good girl.
You always were.
But it’s okay to rebel
Because you’re finally thinking for yourself
And you’re finally putting yourself first.
You’re going to learn to break free.
You’re going to learn that there are other cultures in this world
And that maybe you just don’t belong in this one.
They’re going to try to convince you that the dream you aspire for
Isn’t right.
But don’t listen to them.
They don’t know you any better.
They’re going to try to convince you that you’re a silly little fool
And that you shouldn’t believe in true love or fairy-tales
And that you need to grow up.
I’m begging you.
Don’t give in.
Grandpa would love you for who you are right now
If he were to see you, you beautiful girl.
And they’re going to put the pressure on you.
They’re going to look at you and judge you.
They’re going to make you represent your own family name.
They’re going to compare you with others.
But push them away.
Let them know that you’re you
And that’s all who you are
And that you aim to be happy.
So take your time.
No pressure.
It’s your dream, not theirs.
It’s your happiness, not theirs.
You see those girls?
Those were the girls that you were so fond of-
The ones who you’d run a mile for at midnight,
The ones who you’d drop everything for,
The ones who you’d talked with about the future and graduation,
The ones who you loved with all of your heart clumsily.
Please, I’m begging you.
Don’t go to them so openly.
They’ve changed.
You need to change, too.
Changing isn’t so scary,
I assure you.
My courageous girl,
Look at you now.
You’re so fearless for a girl your size.
You’re already learning to wear high heels
And dresses that fit you so well
You’re starting to accept your beauty
You’re starting to accept your talent
You’re starting to love yourself
And I’m so proud of you.
I know you’re going to fall back to that darkness again
And wonder
And falter
And hesitate
And stumble
And trip
But I know you can pick yourself up.
You’ve always done so.
Darling,
It’s not your fault.
You’re so accustomed to being a people pleaser
But please remember that you’re a person yourself.
And if you don’t ever start caring about yourself,
Who on earth will?
Hey soldier,
Heart up.
I know you hate this town.
I know you’re ready to run away
But please slow down,
Please stop for a moment.
You’re still making memories in this town
So stay a while longer and give this place a second chance.
You see this boy?
You’re going to fall in love with him
And I know you’re scared.
I know you’re hesitating because you know so well
That you fall in love too quick
But don’t be afraid to have fun.
The flirtatious moments will be worth it.
And you’re going to tell yourself every day
To not fall in love,
And that you mustn't let your heart pound.
But one night you’ll figure it out
That it’s already too late.
You’re so in love
And that’s perfectly fine.
He’s going to be a big part of your life.
And you’re finally going to understand
What love is.
You’re finally going to understand
How boys should treat you.
With respect
With patience
With love
With consideration
With his own heart at hand.
You’ll be happy
When you open up your own heart to him.
My beautiful girl,
Take my word for it.
You’re going to make a lot of friends.
Some are going to come
And some are going to go
But don’t be sad
Because some just weren’t meant to stay.
Look at the people around you now.
I know the years were not kind
And that 4 years
Seemed like 4 days,
And you don’t know
Where on earth you’re going,
But I’m so happy for you.
I really am.
You’re starting to let go.
You’re starting to trust again.
You’re starting to understand yourself.
And I know you haven’t found your place in this world yet
But you’ll get there someday.
Someday.
Just not today
And that’s okay
Because you’re going to travel
You’re going to start anew
You’re going to go on an adventure
And you’re going to love it
And every moment
Will be worth the wait.
You’re going to ask yourself
And challenge yourself
Whether or not
You’re a fool
For being and remaining so oblivious
So naive
So trusting
So loving
So understanding
So supporting
And always expecting nothing in return,
But please believe me
When I say
You are who you are
And this is the person who you’ve become.
There’s nothing wrong with believing in true love.
There’s nothing wrong with believing in fairy-tales.
There’s nothing wrong with believing that you are a moon bunny soldier.
There’s nothing wrong with you at all.
And I know you’re scared of the future.
I know you’re struggling with motivation.
I know times are still hard
And times aren’t easy
But please believe me,
My brave fighter,
Things are going to get better
Things are going to be a bit brighter
And things are going to be okay soon.