You were supposed to protect me and wipe my tears when I cried.
Yes, you did this but all as you lied.
You taught me not to trust:
To doubt myself, my family and anyone who showed me any sort of affection.
I remember spending countless nights with you while Mother and Father worked late to feed me and make sure I was always taken care of.
Emotional abuse is something you were never above.
You played with me, drew pictures, pampered me with gifts but only if I blindly believed you.
Giving me pet names, telling me I was so much prettier than my Mother, weaving stories to cement that you were the only truth teller.
Thank God my Mother took the bullet for the rest of us for years.
You kept us in the dark while she hid her anguish and tears.
No one knew the things you slipped into conversations with her like poison in wine.
Slowly over time, She became brittle and fearful yet unaware
it was you who had made her this way.
The day you tricked me into telling my mother she was unfit
Was the day the illusion was finally shattered.
My father asked me why on Earth I would ever say that when all she had ever done was work to make my life better than hers.
I knew, this isn't right.
This isn't true.
It only got worse once you realized I knew.
I got my dose of emotional arsenic.
You said you had replaced me… you didn’t need me anymore.
That was the day you died in my heart.
When I realized you were not the woman who I recognized as Grandma but a monster.
When I saw you in your casket I didn't cry for you.
I cried for my mother who never heard an "I love you," fall genuinely from your lips.
Despite all this, I don’t hate you.
You were sick both in mind and body.
Every day I leave more and more of my anger behind and forgive,
Even though the memories are painful to relieve.
Alexis your "Sugar Plum"
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