i wasn’t brought up in a broken home

but i’m undeniably a result

 

i've never had a reason for being

 

ideas of who i should be surround me

 

i’m reminded that with everything i try to do

i can’t

 

it’s not working 

it’s not working anymore

 

i can’t keep it in its too overwhelming

i can't ask for help its too selfish

 

just don’t think about it

just breathe

just eat

just sleep

just calm down

 

i just 

can't 

 

you're fine

you're fine

you're fine

 

leave that to me

 

you only know what i tell you and i never elaborate

 

why am i who i am when there was nothing to orchestrate

 

help me

i’m not enough

 

you tell me i’m beautiful and expect me to believe

you've never met the monsters crawling inside of me

 

they say i’m dramatic

that i can fix everything i please

 

tell me how and i swear i can disagree

 

i’ve tried

i've tried

i've tried

 

i’ve failed

every time

 

my mind is in overdrive

i can’t escape

 

lord help me i've lost my way

 

there is no god who would leave me to feel this way

there is no god that would laugh at all of my pleas

yet still

you continually ask me to believe

 

how can you tell me the bad times create good when i can’t even differentiate what the tears mean

 

they say its a simple state of mind

that its easy to get overwhelmed and fall behind

but they’ve never known the pit i climb every morning just to try to survive

 

stop

calm down

breathe

 

don’t you see?

i haven’t wanted to breathe for what feels like a century 

 

i have no personal reason for creating, surviving

i simply hope that soon i will meet my grave

 

don’t laugh at me

you don’t understand

 

i laugh so when i cry i don’t seem so afraid

so it doesn't seem so empty

 

i’m too ashamed to ever let the world see

when it comes down to it i guess i just hate me

 

why?

why?

how could this be?

 

i see more clearly than what it could be

i bet you overlook the nose between your eyes and the grass between you’re toes 

 

so

no, really

leave it to me

you’ll never know just how deep it goes