Somedays I think I hate me

The things I have done and said

all the evil spinning through my head

but now I have realized I don’t hate me at all

it is just the situations that make me fall

into a pit of despair

you know I have never fit in anywhere

I am too white to be black too black to be white

Well now I’m tossed in the spotlight

Too happy to be sad too sad to be happy

yet they still have the audacity me sassy

What is sass another way to label me

I am sick of labels is there no where to flee

My native culture has destroyed some of the things I now struggle to regain

I now pick up the broken pieces with pain

It surrounded me with cruel rigidity

I am tired of being defined by it with no legitimacy

No one was given the authority to circumspect me

I refuse to marked as an item on any society's list

List me as one of those strong enough to defy gravity

Or at least any civilization with a depraved finality

yet I do not want to pick up a new definition

I do not want to be part of a culture anymore

That part of me ran out the door

Into a world of the unknown perceptions held by humanity

I don't want to be sucked into a place where rules have been made and followed for years

With no spectrum of innovation to hold back the tears

That arise from the doubts and fears of oppression

I no longer take pride in my culture which sickens some and confuses others

Yet I don't want to be American either, I know that will please my mother

The decision to be American comes with too many pitfalls and confusions and maybe even dangers

And I know I would still be a stranger

However I want to be part of the American spirit, to be free

I can't stand being a caged bird, alone in the dark never finding the key

To unlock the wondrous treasures that the world holds

but now I dare to be bold

Can you believe these words have never been spoken

I am too afraid that people will either laugh and tell me I am over-dramatic

Be confused and tell me it is all in my head, that just I'm a fanatic

Or say nothing

The nothingness of it all scares me

This poem is about: 
My community
My country


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