Killing Me Softly And Nobody Knows It But Me

 Folded and sealed

In another envelope I haven’t mailed

Dealing with this sore wrist from my heavy writing

Another headache from all this heavy thinking and questioning

When you walked away from me, you took away my voice

Left my body to rot, my heart to bleed, caused my spirit to fall when you made that choice

Nights spent in a silent room, watching the rain hit against my window, laying in my bed in misery

And nobody knows it but me

 

After many of days, one of my girls gave me a call

To go out to eat with her, attend this Arts & Entertainment club, of course after hitting the mall

She told me it was about time for me to get off the couch

And this guy at the club does poetry and can sing so well, and there’s no time to be a slouch

After hanging up the phone I re-read my letters, “I bet I could better him in poetry”

And nobody knows it but me

 

I hopped in the shower, did my hair and quickly got dressed

Mustered the biggest smile because this was one of the greatest friends I had missed

We went out to lunch and we caught up on things

I told her how I’ve been doing after the break-up and she told me “That’s no longer living”

She was glad that she managed to get me out of the house and at a time for such an event

My bagged red eyes, needing some fun to her was so evident

When we finished eating we went back to the car and I could hear it quite clearly

“Our” song had come on the radio half past three

And nobody knows it but me

 

Out on the mall we looked at shoes and tried on what seemed like a thousand outfits only to pick one

Then we went to get our hair and nails done

As we browsed around further I noticed guys staring

Some were even bold enough to come to us and start flirting

They asked what was my name, what was my number, where did I live?

And to spend a day with me what would they have to give?

In a way it reminded me of my old love

Whose name shall not be spoken of

But my confidence in myself and my appearance began building, admittedly

And nobody knows it but me

 

When the boys distanced further and further from my eyes

My girl friend told me if I don’t take this time and look around, the right one could easily pass me by                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

But in this moment in time I’ve given up on true love, pardoned it like another random dream

It seems to me that these couples that walk around have a love far better than what I had seen

All I’m left with now are these images of these kinds of love and a realization of a broken fantasy

And nobody knows it but me

 

We went to the bathroom, powdered our faces

Put on our stockings, our shoes, and our new dresses

My friend, she came out in this mermaid style dress, colored brown

Mine was a dark red, sheath kind of gown

We took a few photos and posted online before the event

And when we got up to the door we rummaged around our purses for our ticket

It was a night for me where I could relax, enjoy, and let my worries be free

And nobody knows it but me

 

We listened to music; we saw the most beautiful sculptures and paintings

During intermission we even browsed through a gallery

When we returned to our seats

We watched the dancers, dancing to a memorable beat

When they exited backstage, departing in half each to the other side of the curtain

Until there was no one on stage, but then soon came a man

He was tall in his gray tux and blue shirt and he had milk chocolate skin

Though in the back I could see on the screen, his brown eyes and the widest grin

I then could hear my girlfriend wishing she had gotten closer tables

Because from the back him spotting us out of the crowd, I’m sure he wouldn’t be able

“This is who we came to see” I realized, he had a kind voice, a cute smile, I might even dare myself to say that he looks sexy 

And nobody knows it but me

 

After all of the greeting and clapping things got quiet, right away

As still as the night, the excitement that occurred throughout this day

He began singing lines of his poetry, oh God…his vocal chords

Captivated everyone in the audience and left them following his every word

This performer sings about how love has done him wrong on a stage

In a way that is painfully understandable to different races, gender, and age

I’m sure his heartbeat was as loud as lions, singing about those years

But when he smiles, I can tell it’s a strain for him fighting back the tears

Clearly his poetry would be a lot better than mine

I’m not the one on stage and yet I can’t strain myself not to cry

Tears are tracking my face, staining my make-up and I hope he can’t see, that inside I’m dying

And nobody knows it but me

 

Those lonely days, hoping he might call

Only to count how many of my and heaven’s tears fall

Those lonely nights, those sleep frights

Those early morning hours sitting, waiting, hoping that he notices I still have on the lights

But she had left him worse than how he left me

And nobody knows it but he

 

She left in the midst of the night without a word of good-bye

Left him without a single reason as to why

She wouldn’t answer his calls

A moment of silence came; he needed to take a pause

He cleared his throat, gathered his thoughts

And in his song he asked us why was his heart tangled in knots

He holds out a pen

Tells us that it’s become his best friend

In my mind I’m praying that he stops, it’s as if he had read my letters

Either time had stood still or we both were placed in fetters

Our voices are quaking

We’re in trouble, without a hero to call on for saving

Our legs are shaking

Emotions are fighting

We’re struggling

To find an answer as to what love is supposed to be

And nobody knows it but him, and…

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