On Keeping It In

They said if you feel like crying,
then cry.
Don’t hold in the tears and the emotions.
But I’m a masochist,
and I’m feeling so numb
that the only way to truly feel at the moment
is to struggle in the pain, the hurt, the tears.
I want to feel this black hole in my chest
and the beasts scratching my spine.
I’m going to embrace these emotions so tightly
that they’ll never get out
until I can feel again.

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