Time is always moving and it’ll never stop. Should I want it to? I don’t know what I want from you when I’ve already been given what you have deemed enough. I don’t know what I could ask for when I know I don’t really need anything from you. I don’t want your love because its not free. I don’t want you to be around because you don’t really know me. And if you did you’d know how impossible it is for me to be around real human beings. I am not the girl that you’d like to think I am. I am not that funny girl. I am not that pretty girl. You could have anyone you wanted, you know that right? Oh, you didn’t, alright then. I’m glad you don’t realize your potential because I want to drag you down to my level. I want you to schlum it with me because I don’t have anything better to do. I want you to waste your time on me. There is no one better baby, thats what I’d say if you’d let me but you are in the other world, the one I’ve never been. I can’t stay with him when I’m thinking about you and I can’t stay with you when I could be with him, he may actually want to hear what I have to say. 

I’ve got to be by myself today because I may actually be the person I need to be someday. If I spend all of this time alone maybe I can make my magnum opus, I’ll be a tour de force, I’ll write that book. I could let you go and you could find someone else. 

There’s no one here, its just me. I want to go back in time and become someone else, someone new. I want to change and be someone who could heal you, I want to be someone else. I want to be that girl that no one likes. I want to be the girl that everyone can’t get enough of. There are so many voices screaming at me and I can hear them all reaching for that gun. I try to soothe them with him, them, they never cease, they never stop their crying, they’re never satisfied. I guess I’m just like my mother. I don’t know who I am, so I keep searching and reaching out for a hand to hold, however cold. 

I lie to myself the way I’d lie to you, I lie to you like you are a stranger on the street. I tell you everything and nothing and you still know it all. I try to let my guard down, I try to keep it up. Confusion runs amok and I’m left here by the bed, wet and red. There’s nothing left for me but sleep.