Just Hang On

What happened? Where’d you go?
What are we becoming? 
We used to be so close, we used to be so silly
Nights like this we used to stay up and talk all night
Comparing the snow to our feelings
Pairing the giggles with the waking hour
Combining compliments and truths
Appreciating the company that the night brought on
Day one 10 pm: silly voice recordings about what this meant for both
We talked and we laughed, we joked and we cried
Day one 11 pm: more silly recordings, lyrics make up for lost words
Things got more serious, true feelings were revealed
Day one 12 pm: phone calls with hushed voices and giggles
Muttered words of love and flirtatiousness
Day one 1 am: worry about what tomorrow would bring
No regret, just in awe of the mutuality of feelings
Day one 2 am: silence on both ends of the phone
Both fell into a state of semi-consciousness, awaiting more
Weeks pass as the snow melts away
As the snow melts, the feelings grow warmer
Talks got longer, kisses got sweeter
With every week, there was something missing
Something that was disappearing, leaving the atmosphere
Day two 10 pm: scare words and intimidation
Conversation starts to slow, without knowledge of why
Day two 11 pm: silence on one side of the phone
No phone conversation, just unanswered messages
Day two 12 pm: tears on one side of the phone
Reaching the breaking point, she tries to get some sleep
Day two 1 am: another pill, two more, three more
Maybe these will help to sleep, but for how long?
Day two 2 am: unconsciousness,
Who knows how long, but it’s enough for her
He will never know how much he is starting to mean to her
She stays up listening to his favorite songs
He sleeps all day, not knowing how to respond to her
She remembers every little comment, all holding so much meaning
What is she supposed to do?
Give in like all the times before?
Hug the bathroom floor? After all it is what comforts her
Find the blade she swore she’d never resurface?
Forget about it all?
What was there to do, when everything became one-sided?
Worried about him, she’ll hang on
Longing for him, she’ll hang on
Wanting to know more about him, she’ll hang on
Doing all of this for him, she’ll hang on.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741