the joke was.
the joke was she was fifteen and drunk and you saw an opportunity
you held her hand and poured more alcohol down her throat and you told
her that you liked her blouse but it would look better on the ground.
the joke was that you winked at your friend as you lead her away from
the party and to the elementary school playground smacking her ass the whole
way there .
you took her uncomfortable giggles as a green light, an okay, a go.
the joke was that you were a foot taller than her and weighed 63.5 pounds
more than she did and she wasn't as drunk as you had hoped.
but it wasn't a fucking joke when she said no
or when she hit your chest in attempt to push you off
but you laughed and told her to 'just let it happen'
the joke is you left her at the top of the slide in tears and zipped your pants
as you walked across the soccer field.
the joke is she stumbled back to the party, uncomposed and stripped of
the only thing she had left to be proud of.
the joke is she told her best friend, and she laughed and told her she was too drunk
and her best friend sent her home with her latest love interest to 'sleep it off'.
the joke was your hand on her knee in the car
and how she was too numb to notice it getting too close for comfort.
the joke was you laughing at her mascara streaks and telling her she looked
like she had just been beat up. yeah.
the joke is how she tried to trust one more person as she fell asleep
in your bed while you went to watch t.v.
the joke is how you thought he had consent because she was asleep
and so you took advantge of his chance.
but it wasn't a fucking joke when she woke up and couldn't say no
because your hand was covering her mouth to keep her silent
because your neighbors were 'light sleepers'.
the joke was that the only thing separating the two of you
was four hours and a sobering realization.
the joke was that you two were proud of what you did
but not proud enough to tell the whole school that she hadn't said yes.
the joke was that girl is me.
the joke was that i waited two and a half years to tell anyone
because i spent so long convincing myself that it was my fault.
the joke was that i spent two and a half years in a blur of boys
and bars and nights that left me so fucking hollow
the joke is inow i cant believe when a boy means his affection
i can't have a boy sincerely touch me without a sharp draw away
and i can't seem to get the taste of alcohol and abuse and forced 'love' off of my lips.
but its not a fucking joke. and it never was.
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With a tear streaking down my face, "Bravo!" I would recomend watching V for Vendetta. Even though it is a superhero movie, I feel you in particular would enjoy it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2W0-z8EnaM