A series of fortunate events led me to grow up, to glow up, to dream of living more by the Torah - to give up my childish dreams and rebellious fantasies.    Number One - All my “number one”s suddenly seemed immature and annoying. I had my eyes on a girl who carried herself proudly, dreamed of growing, had no fear of asking, and always let me know the opportunities she’d found to learn - did I want to join her?    Number Two - An older friend came back from her gap year, and poof! Suddenly disappeared was the girl I’d shared music with, the girl I’d cried with over people we’d never meet. Here now was a woman who knew what she wanted in her new world and made her old world know it. I learned the true meaning of music and we cried about real things. She tried with me, to tell me what she dreamed of - did I want to join in her dreams?    Number Three - A new teacher and mentor I stumbled on by accident advised a blasé group of girls on how to grow higher, glow brighter. Everyone was listening, but she spoke and I heard it. She said, “Dream a dream and take baby steps to get there.” I had dreams beyond, but I was a muddled mess of change - how could I join in the dreaming?    Number Four - Two holidays I’d lived through sixteen times before knocked on my door and gave me an in – one taught me I was free and able to pass over all of society’s norms; one taught me that I’d always be loved, no matter how many times I messed up. They offered me information and open arms, they showed me how to light all my candles without extinguishing any light. They taught me to hold my head high but look Higher, to ask for the help and the Help I knew I needed but had been too young to ask for.    Number Five - After my initial sparks all died down I sat down with myself and inspected myself. I turned on my music, read a book, texted a friend. And I stopped. The candle flickering in the forefront of my soul was gently pushing on my heart, nudging me, asking me - is this what you want to join?    Something felt off to me, though everything was the same as before. Maybe that was it - maybe this oddness was my essence searching deeply for more than I’d given it so far. I put down my book, skipped to a different song, raised my eyes upwards and smiled. The candle flickering in the forefront of my soul was gently pushing on my heart, agreeing with me - this is what to join!