I've Been Lost

I’ve been lost, wandering around in the dark

Silently begging for someone to come

Find me.

To lead me out of the dark woods

Shine a light to show me the path out

With a strong hand to keep me from stumbling.

But all people saw were the laughs and smiles

But underneath the surface

I was shivering in water as cold as the forbidden below 50 ice bath.

When you looked past the painted on smile

Actually looked me in the eyes

You saw what I had been hiding

Yet secretly hoping someone would notice.

That although life can be sunny some days

Sometimes the clouds last longer than you expect.

They slowly steal your warmth

Till you are stuck wearing last winter’s coat

With holes that won’t keep the demons out

From your skin and your heart

But also your head.

Because your head is where they reside most.

And bring up all your past failures as solid ghosts.

And the slow drizzle of rain that won’t stop

Soak right through that mislabeled water proof jacket

That I ignorantly bought.

But you lent me your already warmed coat and your ears as well.

To insulate me from the winter winds that my mind blows at higher speeds

Than freeway traffic.

You didn’t just point the way out and yell go

You walked through the woods with me and stared down the demons that sometimes posses my mind.

Saying you understand without making me feel small

Instead you sit upon the wall

With me.

The wall that I made out of my frustrations and fears and dreams.

The wall that I constantly battle but never quite make it over.

People say when you run you sometimes hit the wall but for me I begin the run by sitting atop the wall,

Faltering on the edge of indecision between the known and the unknown.

I always seem to fall for the known.

I choose the familiar even if it hurts because familiar is safer than the uncharted territory

That could lead me farther into the already blackened woods that I earn to escape.

I falter and struggle over what seems trivial

So when you let me ramble and cry

Without heaving an impatient sigh

It means more than you can know.

Just a solid arm around my shoulder

Saying you’re not alone.

And you matter.

That makes all the difference.

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