i never liked boys
or pink things
or babysitting
or cleaning
or Barbie dolls.

i liked sweat
and ripped jeans
and books.

i liked to face blank paper head on.

i liked picking dirt
from under my fingernails
and i resent you
trying to hook me up
with that "nice Christian boy"
because he was creepy
and just as gay as i am.

my favorite smells
are roadkill
gasoline
skunk
and cow manure.

flowers are nice too
but the only kind i want on my wall
are the ones O'Keefe painted.

you should've taken my hints
instead of ignored them.

i didn't like the mess
that comes with long hair
so i chopped it all off.
when i did it the first time
in fifth grade
i think you should have just given in
but instead you tried to force me
into dresses like the insane
are forced into straight-jackets.
you made me lose my mind.

for a while
i slept with boys
as a "fuck you
are you happy now?"
and always came away feeling raped.

you had six sons
and all you wanted was a daughter out of me
but sometimes daughters
like to wear dirty sneakers
and drive trucks through the mud
and have short hair
and tattoos
and kiss other girls.

sorry for giving you the wrong impression for a while.
sorry for conforming.
don't get me wrong,
sometimes i like skirts
and make-up
and cute shoes.
but mostly i like to do
the opposite
of all those things.

i can't change.
i tried.

i'll never hear this from you again
but that's okay:
i love you.
no matter what.
because love isn't black and white
or boy and girl.
sometimes it's girl and girl
or boy and boy and girl
or any other series of endless combinations
even though you only see one.

i don't have any problems
with the things i do.

it's not me.
it's you.