and it doesn’t seem to ever close up

until the next person 

or new group of kids

waltzes into your life to fill it

just like the rest.

and for a while you think you’re doing just fine

until you realize that they’re not sticking around either.

and you fail to recognize that these amazing people

are nothing more than just temporary bandages for your pains

and are more of a curse than a blessing.

because when it gets to the point when goodbyes

have become more of a routine than brushing your teeth

it sends you to a dark place.

it always occurs the day before you perform that gruesome ritual

that you have come to know oh so well

and it is in that weak, defenseless moment

of you sitting in your room coming to an understanding 

that tomorrow will be the last day you see them

that the accusations begin.

it is in that weak, defenseless moment

where you can’t help but blame yourself

for being the reason all people leave.

self pity overtakes your body

and all you want to do is fall to the ground writhing

because you deserve nothing more. 

they say it’s supposed to get easier 

but i have learned that goodbyes are just like reading the letter

an old friend who is no longer here once wrote me;

it never gets easier. 

so every time i let this happen to myself

i swear that i'll never get close to anyone again.

i'll never let anyone see the real me

and tell me that they love my different aspects 

for my love for people grows stronger by the day

and that's what makes me feel so vulnerable. 

the only thing

that manages to help

keep my head up and heart strong 

when saying goodbye

is the possibility that it is more of a blessing than a curse after all, 

to feel so deeply towards everything. 

for love seems to be the holy grail

that we all strive to find

and how lucky am i to have gotten my heart broken

by so many different people 

who carry around shards of it

in bountiful places 

that make me feel like the most

missed and shared soul

i could ever wish to be.