when i messaged you at 11:57 PM it felt nostalgic

late nights spent wrapped up in thoughts like electric filled blankets 

that if the lights were off 

would spark up like stars every time i moved

i asked you if you wanted to talk about it

post after post on Tumblr.com about sadness

emptiness 

how it's not ok and you wish you couldn't feel at all 

 

not feeling anything is making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

only realizing after the fact that you don't have any jam 

metal squealing against glass only to bring up a dizzying loss of jelly

but you eat the sandwich anyway and you'd feel like crying 

if only the peanut butter wasn't cementing your mouth shut

the door behind you

 

the bathroom floor is dirty but perfect for crying

when you're done and you reach for the door 

the metal handle always shocks you

electric pulses connect you to the ground

lightning stretches from cracked heels each time you lift a foot

your hair is always filled with static

must be messing with the connection because peoples voices always come in fuzzy

not quite sure what they're saying you usually nod and smile

 

it makes you wonder what you're missing out on 

but it feels too rude to ask them to repeat it

redundancy for them and supposedly for you

a joke is never funny when you have to explain it

it can only ever be awkward

when you're constantly last to the finish line and everyone else pity claps

because in a perfect world everyone is a winner

 

but VICTORY doesn't have to mean being the best

the most meaningful battles are internal 

and sometimes just getting out of the bed in the morning deserves something more than a second rate metal 

given to the runner up of a spelling bee's champion  

 

V- vocalizing problems doesn't make you whiney it means you take 

I- initiative 

C- couldn't someone else do it you've spent too many years hating the sound of your voice over recordings 

T- that someone else had the audacity to tell you that you don't need jam as they sat on their jelly jar thrones  

O- organs sell for a lot of money on the black market

R- redundancy is not the same as repetition, redundancy is not the same as repetition, it'll be ok, it'll be ok, it'll be ok

Y- is a question you will ask yourself for the rest of your life

 

i'm just here to tell you that if you run out of jam

we can make jelly together 

and it will be...

OK