it'll be OK

Wed, 01/07/2015 - 18:25 -- Mooilky
when i messaged you at 11:57 PM it felt nostalgic
late nights spent wrapped up in thoughts like electric filled blankets 
that if the lights were off 
would spark up like stars every time i moved
i asked you if you wanted to talk about it
post after post on Tumblr.com about sadness
emptiness 
how it's not ok and you wish you couldn't feel at all 
 
not feeling anything is making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
only realizing after the fact that you don't have any jam 
metal squealing against glass only to bring up a dizzying loss of jelly
but you eat the sandwich anyway and you'd feel like crying 
if only the peanut butter wasn't cementing your mouth shut
the door behind you
 
the bathroom floor is dirty but perfect for crying
when you're done and you reach for the door 
the metal handle always shocks you
electric pulses connect you to the ground
lightning stretches from cracked heels each time you lift a foot
your hair is always filled with static
must be messing with the connection because peoples voices always come in fuzzy
not quite sure what they're saying you usually nod and smile
 
it makes you wonder what you're missing out on 
but it feels too rude to ask them to repeat it
redundancy for them and supposedly for you
a joke is never funny when you have to explain it
it can only ever be awkward
when you're constantly last to the finish line and everyone else pity claps
because in a perfect world everyone is a winner
 
but VICTORY doesn't have to mean being the best
the most meaningful battles are internal 
and sometimes just getting out of the bed in the morning deserves something more than a second rate metal 
given to the runner up of a spelling bee's champion  
it deserves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
 
V- vocalizing problems doesn't make you whiney it means you take 
I- initiative 
C- couldn't someone else do it you've spent too many years hating the sound of your voice over recordings 
T- that someone else had the audacity to tell you that you don't need jam as they sat on their jelly jar thrones  
O- organs sell for a lot of money on the black market
R- redundancy is not the same as repetition, redundancy is not the same as repetition, it'll be ok, it'll be ok, it'll be ok
Y- is a question you will ask yourself for the rest of your life
 
i'm just here to tell you that if you run out of jam
we can make jelly together 
and it will be...
OK

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